MAKE IT HAPPEN WITH CHEVROLET

Chevrolet just made a series of creative videos using independent film makers.
I like the idea of a so known company, working alongside emerging authors and I think the result is brilliant.
There are various videos you can browse, and this is one of them:

THE BEST SCRIPT EVER

Lately somebody stole my laptop with my precious scripts.
I know, I wish him to burn in hell, but this is not my purpose with this post.

Today I went to the Police for my deposition and the officer read me the report they have been working on.

- ...And then? - I asked when he finished.
- Well... As said, the guy has been arrested and bailed, so he will be questioned again in a few weeks, but I don't think we'll get back your computer...
- No, I mean... never mind.

I wanted to mean that that report was the best script I have ever read: it was essential, very visual and full of action, I have been instinctively taken by the telling and intrigued by the plot.

It might have been the best lesson on script writing I have ever attended, and an experience that sure improved my skills.

My advice to Script Writers is to find a way to read police reports to understand how to write a good script.

Possibly without having their laptop stolen.

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ZELDA, THE LEGEND BEGINS

CELEBRITY CAMOUFLAGE

Yesterday I have been invited to the BAFTA premiere of the last Scorsese film Hugo in Leicester Square by a friend who starred in it.

For the ones of you who are not familiar with London, Leicester Square is one of the most crowded places in this town, especially when it's about the film industry. Here you have the most of the European premieres of the biggest blockbusters of the year, red carpets, people cueing for 5 hours just to take a snap shot of a celebrity and Artists drawing caricatures of the most respected Actors.

After the film my friend and I go to a coffee shop close by: a place I've never been into because it's too crowded with tourists, for it is right on the red carpet and it serves decent meals at a very cheap price.

I finish my latte and we prepare to go, when I see at a table, talking to someone...

- Stop staring at her, it's rude! - my friend says.
- Isn't she...?

Judi Dench, which I mostly know and respect for her performance as M in 007.

- How come she's... in this place?
- She chose to have a low profile meeting for not being bothered by people.
- And that's why she is in the Bat Cave of the Worldwide film fundamentalists travelling to London?

She really must have learnt something about secrecy from her James Bond films...

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BRIDES MAIDS - OUT NOW ON DVD AND BLU-RAY

SERVING SNAKES ON A PLANE

I am flying to London and a Hostess with an Asian accent advises on the speakers that they will be shortly serving drinks and SNAKES.

- Holy Mary - I think - That's what happens when you entrust your catering to an Indian company!

Then I realize that she didn't mean Snakes, but Snacks.
It always amazes me how in English by slightly changing a sound you can end up with a complitely different meaning

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CHUCK NORRIS FACTS: THE PLANE

Here you find a Flash animation I recently did on Chuck Norris, based on the Facts book The Truth About Chuck Norris.

Enjoy :-)

DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT THE GOAT!!!

This morning a Russian guy Rasputin looking started to talk to me, and as it usually happens with strangers willing to have a conversation with me, I accepted his company and did my best to talk back.

He started talking very passionately about THE GOAT, which must be important for his culture, as he talked about it for an hour (even if I understood very little, for his strong accent).

- You must care for the goat, pecause it sacrifice for us. We eat the boty of the goat. The goat is goot.
- Yeah, I like it too, especially on the barbecue.

He pauses and stares at me with firing eyes.

- Bla bla bla, some incomprehensible talking, casual English words, the boty of the goat?
- ...The legs are very tasty. I wish I were a vegetarian, but carrots can't compete with goat.

Again, he stares at me like I sweared in a church.

- You must pelieve in the goat pecause the goat exist.
- Yeah, I saw it.
- You saw the goat?
- Yes, many times.
- Vhere?
- At my grandparents': they live in the countryside.
- The goat... is in the countrysite...
- It's delicious.
- Yes, the goat is delicious...
- What about goat's milk, you like it?

Again, he looks at me very badly. Every time I say something he treats me like I should keep my mouth shut.

- The goat no milk, just the boty of the goat ant the bloot of the goat.
- Blood? No, we drink its milk. I don't particularly like it but I learnt to appreciate its chease.
- You eat the chease of the goat?!?

He looks at me and says something in Russian rising his eyes on the cieling like he were praying.

- Sure: you should try it with a salad.
- EAT THE GOAT WITH THE SALAT! - he points the finger up to reproach me and cries - THE GOAT! THE GOAT!

And then after talking to me for an hour about the way they eat goats in his Country he goes away swearing in Russian and mumbling about a goat chease salad.

NOW I realized he didn't mean THE GOAT, but THE GOD, like in "I suggested him to turn his god into a piece of chease and have it with a salad, OMG!!!".

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DETECTING THE AMATEURS...

A guy just asked me to write a script for a pilot based on his idea for a new TV CEREAL.

WHAT TO SAY TO A WOMAN?

Cannes - There is a book called in jargon The Bible, with all the companies attending the Festival, with all the delegates, their contacts and their pictures.
It is very useful and because I have some time to kill before my next meeting I flip it through trying to memorize the faces and the names of the companies I am interested in.

After a while I go to the RAI office to talk about a project, I see the responsible and I instinctively call her by name, like we knew each other.
Pleasantly surprised, she comes to great me and I say I saw her picture in The Bible a few hours before.
- Oh, that picture... I'm uglier in that picture. Or am I uglier in real life?
You're uglier in the picture. You're uglier in real life.
- I avail myself of the right to remain silent, because anything I would say would be used against me.

But how can a man reply to this question?

PROFESSIONAL LIARS

Cannes - How can you show to someone you just met how important you are in the film industry?
One of the best ways is to demonstrate you know the right people.

An American Producer friend of mine tells me he's interested in doing the remake of a successful Italian film of a couple of years ago, and asks me to find out who owns the rights.
I search for information, and the very next day I succeed in setting up a meeting with the Producer of that film.

Little before the meeting I update my American friend:
- The rights have been just sold to an Italian American Producer who lives in California: Bla Bla Bla.
- Never heard about her.
- But they produced other successful films in Italy and he's looking forward to sell the rights for the remake. He'd like to talk about them to you.
- Bring him here.

So I meet the Italian Producer and walk him to the American one.
While we're all together the Italian says:
- The rights for that film have just been sold to the Producer - pause for more enphasis - Bla Bla. You know her?
- Of corse, how could I not? Is she still married?

The Italian is suddenly imbarrassed and says:
- I actually don't know her that well...

When I attend meetings between big time Producers I'm always fascinated by their talent in shooting high to impress...

UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTERS AND DIFFICULT DECISIONS IN CANNES

Let's dispell a myth, not all the places where you eat in Cannes are overwhelmingly expensive: you just have to avoid the Croisette.
What really destroys you is the culture of easy money.

Evening. I am waiting to see a friend and I stop by in a creperie, sitting at a table outside.
After a while I finished and don't get away, the Waitress comes with the bill: 5 euros.
I put a 20 on the little plate, she thanks me and goes away.
After a few minutes I start thinking she is taking too much time to bring me the change, and when I take a glance in the shop I see her with her arms crossed, killing the time.

In the meanwhile, at the tables of the next restaurant a sudden buzz of excitement raises and Robert De Niro (this year's Festival President), stands. He starts shaking hands, taking pictures and talking to the people around.

So: leaving the table and reach Robert De Niro before he goes away or get into the creperie and tell the Waitress those 15 euros more weren't my appreciation for their crepe?

I start taking notes for this post, waiting for Robert De Niro to decide for me.

P.S.: The arrow in the picture on the right shows where Robert De Niro was before I thought to take at least a picture.

HOW TO FREEZE YOUR BOSS IN YOUR FIRST DAY

For some reasons the company I work now is persuaded that Studied French at school, as I wrote in my CV, means It's my second language.
So after a first day full with technicalities, where I met a lot of people, nodded, smiled and took notes, but understood little, we arrive at the end of the day with the sudden apparition of a big French client.
The Commercial Director takes me with no time to focus on the situation and makes the presentations in French:
"I would like to introduce you to Bla bla, a very big client of ours, that alone takes care of France. And he is Bartolo Ansaldi, our new Marketing Executive. We count very much on him to promote our image Worldwide, and because he speaks French I would like to give him Moroco to begin with".

So they stare at me smiling, the guy offers his hand and I panic. But pretending I am confident I say in a professional tone:
"Enchanté".

CHEERFUL JULIA MAKES MY DAY

2 weeks ago I have been contacted by Julia, a Recruiter from London who said she followed my career and was waiting for the right project to contact me.

A company was urgently looking for a freelancer, and even if the job wasn't really in my area, because I had a track record as a business developer she thought I would be perfect for the role. So I gave her permission to send me through for the position and sent her my CV.

Yesterday in the late evening she calls me back:

- Hi Bartolo, this is Julia, from the recruitment agency! You remember me?

- Hi Julia, sure, how are you?

- I'm fine, thanks for asking! And how are you?

- I'm good.

- You remember the freelance job I told you about?

- Yes, I remember.

- Yes, I sent your CV and... they didn't want you!!

It's hard to say why, as a no is a no, but Cheerful Julia put me in a good mood.

She reminds me of this old joke:

A man comes across an advert exposed on a recruitment agency where they are looking for a Senior Marketing Manager. The right candidate must be very experienced in marketing, be a team player and self starter, motivated, organized, computer literate and passionate about marketing. He decides to get in.

- Hello - he says to the clerk - I'm here for the Senior Marketing Manager position.

- Good, very, very well - says the other man - I assume you have a lot of experience as a Marketing Manager than...

- No, not really.

- Uhm, so maybe it would be better to put you through as a simple manager, if you have experience...

- I don't think so.

- Assistant?

- Uhm... no.

- Junior position! We have a lot of them, and you don't need experience! As long as you are a team player!

- Teams are not my cup of tea...

- Self starter?

- Definitely not!

- Motivated!

- Kind of lazy actually...

- Organized...

- Uh, absolutely not!!

- Computer literate?

- Never used a computer in my life.

- ...Passionate about marketing...?

- Uhm, I don't know...

- Sir, do you actually know what marketing is?

- No, I don't.

- Sir, uhm... may I ask you why you came here in the first place?

- Just to tell you I wasn't interested in that position.