NEGOTIATION THE EUROPEAN WAY

Once uppon a time, we were an Eurodemocracy with a Presient changing every 6 months to represent all the Euro Countries and working as a community.

Then our self proclaimed queen Angela Merkel and her mistress Nicola Sarkozy decided it was time to rule uppon us.
Greece is living the worst crisis in modern times and it could be just the first country of a long list.

Today I found out that Germany and its lackey   granted a loan to help Greece repaying the debt it had with them, opening the way to restrictions that could oppress people for generations.
In change of this big favor, Greece has been forced to buy enormous and useless quantities of wine produced by Germany and France.

No, wait, it's not very expensive wine Greece has been forced to buy, it's... cars? No, no. What was that...?

Yes, now I remember!

To get the loan to save the country and struggle its own population, Germany and France forced Grece to buy enormous and useless quantities of weapons they produced.

Congratulations peaceful Europe: this is a great message to give to humanity.
If you're strong you can abuse who is weak. Take advantage of any situations to mind your own business!

And an advice to Greece: try to go back to Germany for another loan, they might be more eager to give you better conditions now that you have the cannons.

It's the European way to negotiate!

MAKE IT HAPPEN WITH CHEVROLET

Chevrolet just made a series of creative videos using independent film makers.
I like the idea of a so known company, working alongside emerging authors and I think the result is brilliant.
There are various videos you can browse, and this is one of them:

THE BEST SCRIPT EVER

Lately somebody stole my laptop with my precious scripts.
I know, I wish him to burn in hell, but this is not my purpose with this post.

Today I went to the Police for my deposition and the officer read me the report they have been working on.

- ...And then? - I asked when he finished.
- Well... As said, the guy has been arrested and bailed, so he will be questioned again in a few weeks, but I don't think we'll get back your computer...
- No, I mean... never mind.

I wanted to mean that that report was the best script I have ever read: it was essential, very visual and full of action, I have been instinctively taken by the telling and intrigued by the plot.

It might have been the best lesson on script writing I have ever attended, and an experience that sure improved my skills.

My advice to Script Writers is to find a way to read police reports to understand how to write a good script.

Possibly without having their laptop stolen.

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ZELDA, THE LEGEND BEGINS

CELEBRITY CAMOUFLAGE

Yesterday I have been invited to the BAFTA premiere of the last Scorsese film Hugo in Leicester Square by a friend who starred in it.

For the ones of you who are not familiar with London, Leicester Square is one of the most crowded places in this town, especially when it's about the film industry. Here you have the most of the European premieres of the biggest blockbusters of the year, red carpets, people cueing for 5 hours just to take a snap shot of a celebrity and Artists drawing caricatures of the most respected Actors.

After the film my friend and I go to a coffee shop close by: a place I've never been into because it's too crowded with tourists, for it is right on the red carpet and it serves decent meals at a very cheap price.

I finish my latte and we prepare to go, when I see at a table, talking to someone...

- Stop staring at her, it's rude! - my friend says.
- Isn't she...?

Judi Dench, which I mostly know and respect for her performance as M in 007.

- How come she's... in this place?
- She chose to have a low profile meeting for not being bothered by people.
- And that's why she is in the Bat Cave of the Worldwide film fundamentalists travelling to London?

She really must have learnt something about secrecy from her James Bond films...

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BRIDES MAIDS - OUT NOW ON DVD AND BLU-RAY

SERVING SNAKES ON A PLANE

I am flying to London and a Hostess with an Asian accent advises on the speakers that they will be shortly serving drinks and SNAKES.

- Holy Mary - I think - That's what happens when you entrust your catering to an Indian company!

Then I realize that she didn't mean Snakes, but Snacks.
It always amazes me how in English by slightly changing a sound you can end up with a complitely different meaning

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CHUCK NORRIS FACTS: THE PLANE

Here you find a Flash animation I recently did on Chuck Norris, based on the Facts book The Truth About Chuck Norris.

Enjoy :-)

DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT THE GOAT!!!

This morning a Russian guy Rasputin looking started to talk to me, and as it usually happens with strangers willing to have a conversation with me, I accepted his company and did my best to talk back.

He started talking very passionately about THE GOAT, which must be important for his culture, as he talked about it for an hour (even if I understood very little, for his strong accent).

- You must care for the goat, pecause it sacrifice for us. We eat the boty of the goat. The goat is goot.
- Yeah, I like it too, especially on the barbecue.

He pauses and stares at me with firing eyes.

- Bla bla bla, some incomprehensible talking, casual English words, the boty of the goat?
- ...The legs are very tasty. I wish I were a vegetarian, but carrots can't compete with goat.

Again, he stares at me like I sweared in a church.

- You must pelieve in the goat pecause the goat exist.
- Yeah, I saw it.
- You saw the goat?
- Yes, many times.
- Vhere?
- At my grandparents': they live in the countryside.
- The goat... is in the countrysite...
- It's delicious.
- Yes, the goat is delicious...
- What about goat's milk, you like it?

Again, he looks at me very badly. Every time I say something he treats me like I should keep my mouth shut.

- The goat no milk, just the boty of the goat ant the bloot of the goat.
- Blood? No, we drink its milk. I don't particularly like it but I learnt to appreciate its chease.
- You eat the chease of the goat?!?

He looks at me and says something in Russian rising his eyes on the cieling like he were praying.

- Sure: you should try it with a salad.
- EAT THE GOAT WITH THE SALAT! - he points the finger up to reproach me and cries - THE GOAT! THE GOAT!

And then after talking to me for an hour about the way they eat goats in his Country he goes away swearing in Russian and mumbling about a goat chease salad.

NOW I realized he didn't mean THE GOAT, but THE GOD, like in "I suggested him to turn his god into a piece of chease and have it with a salad, OMG!!!".

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DETECTING THE AMATEURS...

A guy just asked me to write a script for a pilot based on his idea for a new TV CEREAL.