DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT THE GOAT!!!

This morning a Russian guy Rasputin looking started to talk to me, and as it usually happens with strangers willing to have a conversation with me, I accepted his company and did my best to talk back.

He started talking very passionately about THE GOAT, which must be important for his culture, as he talked about it for an hour (even if I understood very little, for his strong accent).

- You must care for the goat, pecause it sacrifice for us. We eat the boty of the goat. The goat is goot.
- Yeah, I like it too, especially on the barbecue.

He pauses and stares at me with firing eyes.

- Bla bla bla, some incomprehensible talking, casual English words, the boty of the goat?
- ...The legs are very tasty. I wish I were a vegetarian, but carrots can't compete with goat.

Again, he stares at me like I sweared in a church.

- You must pelieve in the goat pecause the goat exist.
- Yeah, I saw it.
- You saw the goat?
- Yes, many times.
- Vhere?
- At my grandparents': they live in the countryside.
- The goat... is in the countrysite...
- It's delicious.
- Yes, the goat is delicious...
- What about goat's milk, you like it?

Again, he looks at me very badly. Every time I say something he treats me like I should keep my mouth shut.

- The goat no milk, just the boty of the goat ant the bloot of the goat.
- Blood? No, we drink its milk. I don't particularly like it but I learnt to appreciate its chease.
- You eat the chease of the goat?!?

He looks at me and says something in Russian rising his eyes on the cieling like he were praying.

- Sure: you should try it with a salad.
- EAT THE GOAT WITH THE SALAT! - he points the finger up to reproach me and cries - THE GOAT! THE GOAT!

And then after talking to me for an hour about the way they eat goats in his Country he goes away swearing in Russian and mumbling about a goat chease salad.

NOW I realized he didn't mean THE GOAT, but THE GOD, like in "I suggested him to turn his god into a piece of chease and have it with a salad, OMG!!!".

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

EMBARRASSING MISUNDERSTANDINGS

One of the things that commonly happen when you're a foreigner in England are embarrassing misunderstandings, often based on sexual double meanings.

That usually happens to me with women.

I think this is because English is so different compared to Italian in the way you structure sentences, and because it's sometimes difficult for a foreigner to have a correct prononciation, so when Italian people in London gather they like to laught telling these anecdotes one another .

DISCLAIMER: This is something that just happened to me, and it contains some vulgarity I can't avoid. If you follow reading, some of you could feel offended.

There is a TV series I like called Hustle, produced by BBC , and I decided if the DVDs are not too expensive I'll buy them.

I get to the information point of the store and start cueing. The guy at the computer is visibly gay.

The man before me is the classic Londoner with a bad mood, smoker and big time beer drinker who you know will send you to f*** **f as soon as your glance will cross his.

This fellow asks the information guy for a certain DVD he doesn't know the title of. The guy tries some combinations with no results, the customer loses his temper and argues he's not finding that effing DVD on purpose, and going away, he calls him fag.

Which is strange in London, because here homosexuality is something people are used to and don't care about, so the guy feels angry and humiliated.

After a few seconds to recover, he smiles at me and pretends everything's fine.

Understanding his feelings, I try to be more gentle than what I'd usually be, and I ask him:
- Do you have the DVD, Asshole?

Between the instant I complete the sentence and the one a killing glance raises in his eyes I get aware of the missunderstanding, and very shyly I say to him:

- Ma-maybe I pronounced it a little bit bad...

P.S. for my Italian readers:

HUSTLE, pronounced ASSOL, is the name of the TV series.

ASSHOLE, pronounced ASSOL, with the A that slightly waves to an E, is offensive, and you should be careful in using it.