CHUCK NORRIS FACTS: THE PLANE

Here you find a Flash animation I recently did on Chuck Norris, based on the Facts book The Truth About Chuck Norris.

Enjoy :-)

DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT THE GOAT!!!

This morning a Russian guy Rasputin looking started to talk to me, and as it usually happens with strangers willing to have a conversation with me, I accepted his company and did my best to talk back.

He started talking very passionately about THE GOAT, which must be important for his culture, as he talked about it for an hour (even if I understood very little, for his strong accent).

- You must care for the goat, pecause it sacrifice for us. We eat the boty of the goat. The goat is goot.
- Yeah, I like it too, especially on the barbecue.

He pauses and stares at me with firing eyes.

- Bla bla bla, some incomprehensible talking, casual English words, the boty of the goat?
- ...The legs are very tasty. I wish I were a vegetarian, but carrots can't compete with goat.

Again, he stares at me like I sweared in a church.

- You must pelieve in the goat pecause the goat exist.
- Yeah, I saw it.
- You saw the goat?
- Yes, many times.
- Vhere?
- At my grandparents': they live in the countryside.
- The goat... is in the countrysite...
- It's delicious.
- Yes, the goat is delicious...
- What about goat's milk, you like it?

Again, he looks at me very badly. Every time I say something he treats me like I should keep my mouth shut.

- The goat no milk, just the boty of the goat ant the bloot of the goat.
- Blood? No, we drink its milk. I don't particularly like it but I learnt to appreciate its chease.
- You eat the chease of the goat?!?

He looks at me and says something in Russian rising his eyes on the cieling like he were praying.

- Sure: you should try it with a salad.
- EAT THE GOAT WITH THE SALAT! - he points the finger up to reproach me and cries - THE GOAT! THE GOAT!

And then after talking to me for an hour about the way they eat goats in his Country he goes away swearing in Russian and mumbling about a goat chease salad.

NOW I realized he didn't mean THE GOAT, but THE GOD, like in "I suggested him to turn his god into a piece of chease and have it with a salad, OMG!!!".

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DETECTING THE AMATEURS...

A guy just asked me to write a script for a pilot based on his idea for a new TV CEREAL.

WHAT TO SAY TO A WOMAN?

Cannes - There is a book called in jargon The Bible, with all the companies attending the Festival, with all the delegates, their contacts and their pictures.
It is very useful and because I have some time to kill before my next meeting I flip it through trying to memorize the faces and the names of the companies I am interested in.

After a while I go to the RAI office to talk about a project, I see the responsible and I instinctively call her by name, like we knew each other.
Pleasantly surprised, she comes to great me and I say I saw her picture in The Bible a few hours before.
- Oh, that picture... I'm uglier in that picture. Or am I uglier in real life?
You're uglier in the picture. You're uglier in real life.
- I avail myself of the right to remain silent, because anything I would say would be used against me.

But how can a man reply to this question?

PROFESSIONAL LIARS

Cannes - How can you show to someone you just met how important you are in the film industry?
One of the best ways is to demonstrate you know the right people.

An American Producer friend of mine tells me he's interested in doing the remake of a successful Italian film of a couple of years ago, and asks me to find out who owns the rights.
I search for information, and the very next day I succeed in setting up a meeting with the Producer of that film.

Little before the meeting I update my American friend:
- The rights have been just sold to an Italian American Producer who lives in California: Bla Bla Bla.
- Never heard about her.
- But they produced other successful films in Italy and he's looking forward to sell the rights for the remake. He'd like to talk about them to you.
- Bring him here.

So I meet the Italian Producer and walk him to the American one.
While we're all together the Italian says:
- The rights for that film have just been sold to the Producer - pause for more enphasis - Bla Bla. You know her?
- Of corse, how could I not? Is she still married?

The Italian is suddenly imbarrassed and says:
- I actually don't know her that well...

When I attend meetings between big time Producers I'm always fascinated by their talent in shooting high to impress...

UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTERS AND DIFFICULT DECISIONS IN CANNES

Let's dispell a myth, not all the places where you eat in Cannes are overwhelmingly expensive: you just have to avoid the Croisette.
What really destroys you is the culture of easy money.

Evening. I am waiting to see a friend and I stop by in a creperie, sitting at a table outside.
After a while I finished and don't get away, the Waitress comes with the bill: 5 euros.
I put a 20 on the little plate, she thanks me and goes away.
After a few minutes I start thinking she is taking too much time to bring me the change, and when I take a glance in the shop I see her with her arms crossed, killing the time.

In the meanwhile, at the tables of the next restaurant a sudden buzz of excitement raises and Robert De Niro (this year's Festival President), stands. He starts shaking hands, taking pictures and talking to the people around.

So: leaving the table and reach Robert De Niro before he goes away or get into the creperie and tell the Waitress those 15 euros more weren't my appreciation for their crepe?

I start taking notes for this post, waiting for Robert De Niro to decide for me.

P.S.: The arrow in the picture on the right shows where Robert De Niro was before I thought to take at least a picture.

HOW TO FREEZE YOUR BOSS IN YOUR FIRST DAY

For some reasons the company I work now is persuaded that Studied French at school, as I wrote in my CV, means It's my second language.
So after a first day full with technicalities, where I met a lot of people, nodded, smiled and took notes, but understood little, we arrive at the end of the day with the sudden apparition of a big French client.
The Commercial Director takes me with no time to focus on the situation and makes the presentations in French:
"I would like to introduce you to Bla bla, a very big client of ours, that alone takes care of France. And he is Bartolo Ansaldi, our new Marketing Executive. We count very much on him to promote our image Worldwide, and because he speaks French I would like to give him Moroco to begin with".

So they stare at me smiling, the guy offers his hand and I panic. But pretending I am confident I say in a professional tone:
"Enchanté".

CHEERFUL JULIA MAKES MY DAY

2 weeks ago I have been contacted by Julia, a Recruiter from London who said she followed my career and was waiting for the right project to contact me.

A company was urgently looking for a freelancer, and even if the job wasn't really in my area, because I had a track record as a business developer she thought I would be perfect for the role. So I gave her permission to send me through for the position and sent her my CV.

Yesterday in the late evening she calls me back:

- Hi Bartolo, this is Julia, from the recruitment agency! You remember me?

- Hi Julia, sure, how are you?

- I'm fine, thanks for asking! And how are you?

- I'm good.

- You remember the freelance job I told you about?

- Yes, I remember.

- Yes, I sent your CV and... they didn't want you!!

It's hard to say why, as a no is a no, but Cheerful Julia put me in a good mood.

She reminds me of this old joke:

A man comes across an advert exposed on a recruitment agency where they are looking for a Senior Marketing Manager. The right candidate must be very experienced in marketing, be a team player and self starter, motivated, organized, computer literate and passionate about marketing. He decides to get in.

- Hello - he says to the clerk - I'm here for the Senior Marketing Manager position.

- Good, very, very well - says the other man - I assume you have a lot of experience as a Marketing Manager than...

- No, not really.

- Uhm, so maybe it would be better to put you through as a simple manager, if you have experience...

- I don't think so.

- Assistant?

- Uhm... no.

- Junior position! We have a lot of them, and you don't need experience! As long as you are a team player!

- Teams are not my cup of tea...

- Self starter?

- Definitely not!

- Motivated!

- Kind of lazy actually...

- Organized...

- Uh, absolutely not!!

- Computer literate?

- Never used a computer in my life.

- ...Passionate about marketing...?

- Uhm, I don't know...

- Sir, do you actually know what marketing is?

- No, I don't.

- Sir, uhm... may I ask you why you came here in the first place?

- Just to tell you I wasn't interested in that position.

I’VE BEEN ASKED FOR AN AUTOGRAPH

You work hard, sometimes you don’t even remember why. It’s a continuous challenge with yourself and the others, and when you feel you’re almost at the end of the tunnel something sudden kicks you back in the game at the last moment and doesn’t allow you to take a breath.
Then there are these occasions, little satisfactions that only you and your stomach can understand.

Today I get out of home and a guy near a van glances at me. He gets close to me:
- Bartolo Ansaldi?
I nod and he takes out a pen and a piece of paper.
- Can you make me an autograph?
- You recognized me, mh?
He looks at me without answering, just with an embarrassed smile.
I give him back the pen and he gives me the package I was waiting for.

P.S.: Yes, yes, he was a courier. I was excited for the package…

FILMS THAT CHANGE YOUR LIFE

Juno is a teenage girl of 16 that gets pregnant and decides to keep the child.

It is a film about the difficulties and choices this little more than a kid has to face: it is a somewhat light and deep film at the same time, with an intense dialogue.

But when it first went to theatres in 2007 provoked a Juno Emergency in UK and the magazines reported that teenagers were so impressed by that character that there were classrooms with up to 6 pregnant girls.

This started to let me think on the power films have on us: how do they influence us, how do they condition us and how do they let us dream.

If it is true that a film with a positive message can positively influence our lives it must be true the opposite, too.

My next question is How much of my personality comes from the films I watched and have been important to me, and how would I be without having watched them?

I am not talking about my favorite films, but the ones that for some reason have changed something in myself after I watched them.

One of the films that most influenced my way to see life is Yes Man, with Jim Carrey: from the moment I watched it I tried my best to accept invitations that in other circumstances I would have dropped or make experiences that I avoided in the past, just for the curiosity to see where they'd take me to.

I can't really say it's always been a good idea, but this way I found more friends and had discovered things that otherwise I wouldn't have ever known, and I'm glad.

Another good example for me is Picture Perfect, with Jennifer Aniston. I hardly remember the title, but it gives one of the advices I mostly followed in my working life: Don't dress for the job you have, but for the job you wish.

I am interested to know: is there a film that for any reasons contributed to change your life too, and why?